The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
