it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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