Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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