Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
