Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
