He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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