Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
