It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
