fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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