shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
