i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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