redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
