I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
