at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
