its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
