Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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