38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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