Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
