I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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