ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
