apparently the secret to your success is patron
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
