That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
