how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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