Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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