dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
