dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
