He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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