dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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