Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
