Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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