when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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