i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
