Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
