tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
