So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
