I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
