that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Randomize
