he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
