i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
