we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
