I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
operation have a gay friend backfired
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
