It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
