My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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