there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
