Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
