if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
