Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
