I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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