I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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