fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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