do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
