why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
