Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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