the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
