Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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