girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
