Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
