also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
