i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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