I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
