You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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