Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
