Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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