I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
