Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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