Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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