Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
