My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
