He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
