No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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