Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
