yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
