Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
