I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
